Hello, Driftless Region writers!
All of the articles published on this blog comes from local writers like yourselves. That is, from complete strangers. Except those which don’t… and those the editor has solicited. Or written herself. But I digress.
Send us your work! After all, given the huge paycheck you get for blog publishing (translation: nothing, except the rights to your own work), why not spend several days and nights writing stuff for us?
While we remain unslim and shady, we do our best to respond to all submissions quickly. Quickly, though, is sometimes in the eye of the beholder, and keep in mind that the actual editorial staff here consists of one rather flaky English professor operating this out of her home. She is not noted for her timely behavior. Or her fashion sense, but here she has digressed yet again.
Several things can further enhance the chance that we will publish you. For instance:
- Write something.
- Edit it.
- Include photographs.
- Tell us about something fun that some person could reasonably do. Or watch. Affordable things are better. Beer is fine. We’re in Wisconsin.
- Make us realize how fun it would be to do that thing. Unless it is January. January here really sucks. . . unless you know how to ski or snowshoe or make great hot toddies, in which case, write about that. Soon.
- We are word snobs. We’ll choose articles on bookstores before ones on hunting outlets every time. But we will still consider both.
- We’re outdoor snobs, too, so something that focuses on the natural beauty of this area, or that can be done outdoors, is even better. Especially if it is legal.
- Do you like to hanglide? That’s awesome! Can you do it in winter, take pictures, and write about it for us?!
SUBMISSIONS!
General blog submissions should be sent to Terry at
burnst@uwplatt.edu.
In the subject line of your e-mail, write BLOG SUBMISSION (if you’re sending a submission) or BLOG INQUIRY (if you want to know if we’re interested.) If we don’t answer within a week, try again. Sometimes we’re out doing stuff and get behind with this.
Why am I using the royal “we” when really one person is running this whole show? To make it seem like we’re more important than we are. Also, sometimes I ask my husband for help with graphics. So that’s “we,” right? Maybe I can get my friends to help. Hey, why are you asking so many questions, anyway?
OTHER WAYS TO SUBMIT We only accept email submissions.
LENGTH Probably you should read the blog and see how long our pieces are. Yeah, that’s a great idea. Read our blog first. Also, read our blog.
GENRES. MEDIA. (“What kind of stuff we publish.”) Non-fiction. Fiction. Non-fiction. Poetry. Non-fiction. Photos. Videos. Memes. Graphics. You need to have the copyright or written permission to publish anything that is not yours (like photos accompanying an article) and yes, I will ask. It looks bad when English professors get busted for plagiarism or copyright violations. The editor sort of likes her day job and wants to keep it.
YOUR NAME should be in your email submission. By that, I mean your full name. Put it under the title of your piece in the email you send. Absolutely all submissions must look kinda like this (unless I’m in a good mood, which is often, and in that case just make sure I know who you are and how to reach you and what you want to call this thing you sent):
My Funny Experience eating Lutefisk on Grandad
Bluff [title]
By Svenita Svenson [your name]
happyhappy@someplace.com [your email address]
If you really want to tell me about Twitter handles, fine, but I don’t need to
know that.
List the email address you would like to appear linked to your byline should we choose to publish your submission. Same goes for your Twitter handle. If you do not want your email address or Twitter handle linked to your byline, please tell us so.
YOUR SUBJECT LINE should begin with BLOG SUBMISSION or BLOG INQUIRY. Yes, in all caps. I am old and hard of hearing. After BLOG SUBMISSION, which we greatly prefer, say something brief about your work. A version of a proposed title is recommended.
COVER LETTERS are unnecessary, but might be read if you keep it under two paragraphs.
MULTIPLE SUBMISSIONS (like sending us
two poems along with your article plus some pretty drawings.)
Please don’t do it. It makes us grumpy, precious.
PAYMENT Sorry. We don’t pay. Yes, we know how much that sucks, mainly because we don’t get paid either. We do accept bribes.
RIGHTS You retain rights to your work after publication. We may repost a link to your piece on social media sites now and then.
REASONS WE DON’T WRITE BACK
- Our spam-blocking software thought you were sending porn.
- Your photos looked like porn, and now we’ve reported you.
- We think that we have responded, but we really haven’t, and/or we (accidentally) deleted your submission without replying. Or we just didn’t respond because, you know, it was nice out and we went day-tripping.
- You have a really aggressive spam-blocking program that rejects us unmercifully.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU DON’T HEAR BACK FROM US
- Complain to your friends about our callous insensitivity to your needs and feelings.
- Discover my real name and make the same complaints to my department chair, dean, or chancellor.
- Vow the most thorough and satisfying of revenges.
- Resend your submission. Seriously, it takes less time for us to respond to a resend than to answer a query. We really do mean to respond to every submission in a timely manner and if you haven’t heard from us within the above-mentioned time frame, it’s just an oversight.
SOME REASONS WE MIGHT DISLIKE YOUR SUBMISSION
- Your submission had no connection to the Driftless Region.
- Your submission reminded us of the worst Instagram poetry.
- Your submission claimed to be a short story but was neither short nor a story.
- Your submission smelled of old laundry and/or unbrushed teeth.
- Your submission included the word “nowadays” or the phrase “in today’s complex society.”
- Your submission had no connection to the Driftless Region.
- Your submission did not capitalize the first letters of sentences.
- Your submission was not in an alphabet or logographic system we recognized.
- Your submission’s subject matter was similar to something we’ve already published recently.
- Your submission was winter-themed and it’s the middle of May.
- Your submission had no connection to the Driftless Region.
We look forward to hearing from you!
Thank you, McSweeney’s, for your ever-present inspiration!